Art of Leaving

We leave something of ourselves behind when we leave a place, we stay there, even though we go away. And there are things in us that we can find again only by going back there.”
Pascal Mercier, Night Train to Lisbon

There is no good in goodbye.

Even the bluest of sky will soon get dark.

Even the strongest of people tend to go weak.

Even those who promise to stay will later on leave.

There is no good in goodbye.

Those who were left will be broken, but it will also broke you, who will leave.

You will start again. New horizons will be waiting for you. There will lie a path for you to cross, a direction you will choose. You will be brave. Yes, you will. You have reached this far and the destination you will be going will surely test you. But be tough, dear! Life lies a bunch of opportunities for you to try out. Say hello to new things, to new people, to new atmosphere. Say hello to the new YOU!

There is no easy thing in this world.  There is no proper way to say goodbye. But those you left will understand you. They will wish you all the best. They’ve been with you through good and tough times to hope for your success. They may be hurt seeing you go, but they will support you throughout. Loving is never hard and so they will love you through and through.

You will say hello to the new world ahead of you and they will say goodbye because they need to. But all of you will get over it — the leaving.  Endings mark new beginnings.  And beginnings unleash new discoveries. Endings are necessary. Sometimes you need to close some doors to see new windows. Endings are not goodbyes, rather they are hellos.

There is no good in goodbye.

You will leave but in the hearts of those you love — you will forever stay.

Because there is really no such thing as goodbye. Rather, there is this thing called see you again.  ###

 

Somewhere

I am lost.

See, I do not know where I am heading. Left or right. Forward or backward. There are a lot of things going around and I can’t seem to comprehend why things happen the way it is. Things keep bugging me and I can’t seem to stop it, because the truth is, I really can’t. Because there is a more powerful being, up there, who knows the reason for all of these.

And so I realized, I need to freshen up my mind and to sort things out. There is no easy route towards change than to see that you’ve actually grown — heart and mind. Change is necessary when things get too habitual. When there’s nothing left of you than to grow and face what fears you.

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you can’t do. So try new things. Explore. For the past years, I’ve realized that the best kind of woman is the one who stood up for what she believes. The woman who lives up her dreams. And so I will keep on dreaming and to achieve it soon.

I am lost.

But I know sooner where I am heading.

I am heading somewhere. Somewhere where all my dreams, plans, and aspirations come into reality.

I am lost.

But with God’s grace, He will grant my heart’s desire. Surely, I will. Surely, I can.

I don’t know where I am going, but I’m on my way.

Because for whatever I lost, I will find.###

Dulo

Hinanap ko ang hangganan ng bawat pangungusap na maari kong maisulat tungkol sayo. Tulad nang pagpilit kong makahanap ng tamang salita sa mga tula kong walang tugma at sa tuwinang pagpapalit ko sa mga liriko ng kantang tingin ko’y ‘di akma. Mahirap.

Ilang espasyo na ba ng papel ang aking nalaktawan dahil hindi ko mabuo ang ideyang wala palang kahit anong alaala o kahit sinuman ang papalit sa espasyong iniwan mo sa puso ko mula noong sinabi mong hanggang dito na lamang tayo. Umasa.

Naalala ko noong sinabi mong ako ang iyong simula lalo na ang iyong dulo. Tulad ng ibig sa salitang pag-ibig; tulad ng mahal sa salitang pagmamahal. Sinabi mong ako’y iyong inibig dahil ako’y iyong mahal. Ngunit bakit bigla na lamang naglaho, ang pag-ibig mong minsan sa aki’y iyong ipinangako.

Ngunit magkagayunman, kahit kailan hindi ako lumisan.

Hinintay ko pa rin ang pagbabalik mong walang kasiguraduhan.

May kahihinatnan pa ba ang kuwento nating minsan mo ring sinabing pang-habang buhay?

O ang kuwentong ito’y ating tutuldukan na lamang.

Dahil mahirap umasa lalo na sa mga bagay na panandalian.

Lahat ng bagay may hangganan.

Kaya ako’y hanggang dito na lamang.

Ito ang katapusan.

Oo, may dulo ang walang hanggan.

###

 

Pagbibilang

passing of time

Mahirap ang maghintay.

Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses na akong tumingala sa langit. Hinihintay ang pagpapalit ng kulay ng kalangitan mula asul patungong kadiliman.

Kaisa ako ng madilim na kalangitan. Naisip kong mas mahiwaga ang dilim. Mas mapagpanggap. Mas payapa. Ngunit sa huli, hindi asul o itim ang makakapagpanatili sayo dahil mas pinili mong sumama sa taong ang gusto’y  kulay ng palubog na araw.

Mahirap ang maghintay.

Ilang beses ko na bang pinagmasdan ang pagkalagas ng dahon ng punong minsan nating naging tagpuan. Naalala ko noong minsa’y minapa mo sa isang dahon ang ating pangarap. Sinulatan ang dahon ng ating pangalan at ng salitang walang hanggan. Hanggang bumalik ako doon isang araw, at ang naabutan ko na lamang ay isang kalbong puno kasabay ng pangarap nating tuluyan nang nakalimutan.

Mahirap ang maghintay.

Ilang beses ko na bang binilang ang bawat hakbang ng aking paa. Umaasang matagpuan kita. Nagbabakasakaling aksidenteng mabangga kita at matanong mo man lang kung “kumusta ka?” Dahil minsan ang isang kumusta ka ay isa na ring pamamaalam sa bawat alaala nating binuo ng magkasama.

Mahirap ang maghintay.

Mas mahirap ang umasang darating ka.

Pinakamahirap ang umibig sa isang alaala.

Nakakalungkot.

Nakakapagod.

Pero sa huli mas magandang maghintay ng panibagong pag-alalayan ng magandang alaala.

Tulad ng muling pagliwanag ng madilim na kalangitan.

Tulad ng pagusbong ng mga dahon sa punong ating naging tagpuan.

Tulad ng patuloy na paghakbang ng aking mga paa sa daang may maghihintay sa pagdating ko.

Maghihintay ako.

Hindi sayo.

Hihintayin ko sya.

Mahirap maghintay.

Pero sa kanya na pahahalagahan at iibigin ako ng buo kasama ng mga kamalian ko, bakit hindi?

Dahil ang pinakadalisay na pag-ibig ay sadyang hinihintay.

Mahirap maghintay.

Pero hindi ako titigil na umibig ng dalisay.

###

 

Missing you

I miss you —
Three words you never knew
How hard I fell for you
But you never fall for me, too.

I miss you —
Like how the trees missed its leaves during fall
Like how the rainbow failed to appear
After the rain poured.

I miss you —
Like the lacking pages
of my unfinished book
Like the tattoo of your name in my wrist
you didn’t care to look.

This is how I miss you.
It’s as if everything around me is you.
Yet I always left wondering
Did you ever miss me too?

###

A Letter for You

Dear You,
It has been a year or two
Since I wrote about you
it’s as if the words lost all of its hue
Like a love that I once knew.

Dear You,
I’m still figuring out why
When you left, days killed me as it passed by,
How easily love can die
And what’s left were your painful lies.

Dear You,
Everything around me reminds me of you
And the spaces between my fingers still search for you.
And when it still chills me When the wind blew
Knowing there are no arms that will wrap me like you used to.

Dear You,
Moving on is never easy
But holding on to you is not an option for me.
We build a love that is amazing to see
But in the end, we’re still not meant to be.

Dear You,
This is the last poem I will write about you.
The hardest part of it all is when you left without a clue.
You should have find courage to say goodbye but you never really do.
So this is a farewell to a love that is not true.

###

Oblivion

I saw you in my dreams last night.
You stare at me like I’m a beautiful sight.
But I looked away like I’m in a flight
Yet you held your gaze like you’re hugging me so tight.

So tell me, how can I forget you?
When couples walked hand in hand, I saw you.
When love songs played on radio, I hear you.
When random people passed by, I smell you.
When my blanket covered me in a cold night, I feel you.
When I sip my coffee first thing in the morning, I taste you.

How can I forget you?
When you are the period —
an end to my run-on sentence
When you became a verb — a past tense.

Can I forget you?
Definitely yes. I have to.
Because what’s worse than forgetting
is all about remembering.

To remember —
that once upon a time
On the 31st of October,
When the vicinity is full of lovers
You asked me if I can be yours forever.
And the next day, I knew, what we have is over.

And what I need to remember —
Is that courage is finishing something
that has not yet started.
That letting you go
is better than holding on will do.

So this is how I forget you —
To remember that never did I ever love you.

###

Lost

I’ve been looking for you —
in the crowds of people passing
in the first sip of my coffee in the morning
in the flip of newspaper pages I was reading.

I came out looking for you —
in my favorite lunch meal I was eating
Just when I close my eyes and start napping
In the tons of paper that needs editing.

I still look for you —
in the road of rushing cars
in the flash of busy city lights
in the twinkling stars saying good night.

See, I’ve been looking for you —
In every step of the way
but the hard part is teaching my heart to stop looking.
But i need to…
Because in the process of believing you love me too,
I lost myself completely, too.

###

Prelude

There is something beautiful
in every story’s beginning
in throbbing heart
in love at first sight
in other’s once upon a time.

And one day, he came along the way
And I knew our story had begun from then
With me, fixing his heart
And him, mending my scar
Because he told me, “I am broken.”
But never did he thought that I, too, was broken.

There is something beautiful
in every story’s beginning
Like there is beauty
in fixing someone that is broken.
Little by little.
Bit by bit.
We need to put back the pieces together.
Who knows, broken beginnings
might end with beautiful endings.

###