Remind yourself

Dear,

Remind yourself that it’s okay to focus on your own happiness. You’ve been in the process of making everyone happy for such a long time. You made them worthy of pleasure. You made them believe that there’s always that one reason to be happy despite all the odds along the way. So now, take time to attend to your own happiness. Look at the blue sky. Smell the flowers. Breathe. Do the things you intend to do. Do everything to make yourself worthy of the happiness you are giving to others. Before you rely your happiness to someone, look at yourself and be your own reason to be happy.

Remind yourself that it’s fine to weep for some time. You’ve been living your whole life surviving each day even if it’s too hard just to get by. No matter how much effort you give, you made yourself accept the fact that things don’t always work on your side. That most of the time, courage is admitting your weakness but it doesn’t mean you’ll give up. You’ll break, you’ll lose, you’ll cry, but the most important thing is you survive. You survive and that’s the true sign of strength.

Remind yourself that it’s fine to rule out the world some time. For most of your existence, you’ve been the perfect-flawless-model human. But keep in mind that you don’t always need to be that picture perfect human. Sometimes, in order to keep pace of the world, you need to do crazy things, to be messy and to care less about the world. Accept that you’re just a mere human being capable of doing silly things like other people.

Remind yourself that it’s fine to love yourself more. You have given the best portion of your heart to someone you love – whom you thought love you in return. But then somewhere between believing you have given them the best of you and trying to still leave them a space in your heart, know that your heart needs to rest, too. Your heart, the most vulnerable fragment of your existence needs to slow down a little – to assess things and prepare to love again, now, with yourself.

Many times, your heart may rip into pieces, hammered with lots of pain and aches, but the possibility of putting back the broken pieces is yours to make. You don’t need someone to complete the puzzle of your aching heart. Remind yourself, dear that even without them, your heart is whole, to begin with. Love yourself better than the love you offer to someone. You deserve the love that is endless, unrequited and real. Love yourself, love yourself more, love yourself most, because you deserve it.

Most of all, remind yourself that it’s fine to make mistakes, to pamper yourself with the things you like, to enjoy the scenic views outside, to hold hands with yourself, to pat yourself in the shoulder (because you’re tougher than you thought), to look straight in the mirror and be proud of what you see, to say things you’re afraid to say and most importantly, to open your heart and start loving yourself even more. ###

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Ikot

Sinimulan ang kuwento sa katanungang bakit tayo nandito?  Ngunit patuloy lamang na tinahak ang kalsadang pagkahaba-haba na animo’y walang katapusan. Tumingin sa kanan at sumulyap, napatigil, may ibang kahulugan ang hubog ng kanyang mga labi.

Sa ilalim ng pinaghalong kahel at itim na kalangita’y maaaninag ang papalapit nang paglubog ng araw. Saan aabutin ang mga gulong ng sasakyang kanina pa binabagtas ang kalyeng wala namang kasiguraduhan.

Dito. Sa tatlumpu’t-apat na segundo masasagot ang lahat ng katanungan kasabay nang pagtigil ng bawat dumaraan, tulad din nang paghinto ng puso niyang hindi na sa iyo nakalaan.

Ganito ba winawakasan ang sumpaang walang hanggan? Wala ni isa mang salita ang kayang mabigkas. Ang dating masasayang espasyo’y napalitan ng daan-daang bakit at kailan. At sa pagitan ng mga bumabagabag na katanungan, naisip na mas mabisang kasagutan ang katahimikan lalo na  sa mga pusong hindi na sabay ang ritmo ng tugtugan.

At kasabay nang hudyat ng berdeng ilaw, ang pagtanaw sa tatlumpu’t apat na segundo na pinili nyong wakasan ang isa sanang magandang kuwento ng pagmamahalan. Walang inihaing dahilan, walang kahit anong paliwanag kung paano humantong sa ganito ang walang hanggan. Kung ang pag-ibig ay pagtahak sa paikot-ikot na kalsada at paghihintay lamang sa bawat paghinto at pag-arangkada, bakit hindi ilaan ang puso sa pagitan ng mga segundong patuloy na naghihintay sa panibagong taong daraan?

Sinimulan ang kuwento sa katanungang bakit tayo nandito?  At kasabay ng berdeng ilaw sa ilalim ng pinaghalong kahel at itim na kalangitan at pag-ikot ng ferris wheel sa gawing kanan, tinapos ang kuwento sa salitang patawad at paalam, at dahan-dahang pag-ikot pabalik ng sasakyan. ###

 

 

 

Adrift

When our circumstances are harsh and sorrows outnumber joys, Jesus shouts to us, “Hold everything you’ve got, help is on the way!”

I came across this verse while I was busy monitoring a newspaper. And it struck me how significant it is for me now that I feel something is not working against my favor.

I’ve been at lost for the past weeks. I’ve been feeling totally out of control for everything that is happening to me recently. Things I found so tiring to just get by.

It came to a point where I keep questioning the slow passage of days (even if it’s only Monday, I want the day to pass quickly and wishing for Friday to arrive). I always woke up disinterested in the world, telling myself that this day will pass quickly so I can rest and go home.

And the void I’ve been feeling lately came to a realization that I’ve been missing myself, the one I am before. And it’s hard and unfulfilling.

I miss the girl who laughs and talks so loud. The girl who loves to tell stories, and listening to friends who do the same. I miss the girl who looks forward to mornings because she knows new days offer new opportunities. Most of all, I miss the girl who loves the world and daydreams a lot. I really miss myself now.

I know it’s the emptiness of missing certain people that adds to the desolation I am feeling right now. But somehow, I still believe that there is someone up there, looking down on me, protecting and telling me not to quit but to just rest my heart for now.

I am tired. But every day, I still keep thanking God for the gift of life. I still ask Him for the guidance to fulfill tasks I need to achieve. And most of all, I still love to look up to Him, in that perfect blue sky, whispering to Him, I’ll get through this, Lord. I’ll be fine.

With that, I can somehow survive every day and be courageous enough to say, I made it even if days are hard. I made it even if I feel desolated. I made it even if I feel empty. I made it even if I’m not happy anymore. I made it because I believe You.

Because in between being lost and being find, convincing yourself there’s God will take away all your fears and worries.

In those chaos, I find Him protecting me. ###