Adrift

When our circumstances are harsh and sorrows outnumber joys, Jesus shouts to us, “Hold everything you’ve got, help is on the way!”

I came across this verse while I was busy monitoring a newspaper. And it struck me how significant it is for me now that I feel something is not working against my favor.

I’ve been at lost for the past weeks. I’ve been feeling totally out of control for everything that is happening to me recently. Things I found so tiring to just get by.

It came to a point where I keep questioning the slow passage of days (even if it’s only Monday, I want the day to pass quickly and wishing for Friday to arrive). I always woke up disinterested in the world, telling myself that this day will pass quickly so I can rest and go home.

And the void I’ve been feeling lately came to a realization that I’ve been missing myself, the one I am before. And it’s hard and unfulfilling.

I miss the girl who laughs and talks so loud. The girl who loves to tell stories, and listening to friends who do the same. I miss the girl who looks forward to mornings because she knows new days offer new opportunities. Most of all, I miss the girl who loves the world and daydreams a lot. I really miss myself now.

I know it’s the emptiness of missing certain people that adds to the desolation I am feeling right now. But somehow, I still believe that there is someone up there, looking down on me, protecting and telling me not to quit but to just rest my heart for now.

I am tired. But every day, I still keep thanking God for the gift of life. I still ask Him for the guidance to fulfill tasks I need to achieve. And most of all, I still love to look up to Him, in that perfect blue sky, whispering to Him, I’ll get through this, Lord. I’ll be fine.

With that, I can somehow survive every day and be courageous enough to say, I made it even if days are hard. I made it even if I feel desolated. I made it even if I feel empty. I made it even if I’m not happy anymore. I made it because I believe You.

Because in between being lost and being find, convincing yourself there’s God will take away all your fears and worries.

In those chaos, I find Him protecting me. ###

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